I never want to see another naked old woman again.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It's just like the Real World with babies
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
