Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
People in love make me want to vomit
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
