I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
