Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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