He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
