No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
