I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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