GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
