Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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