I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
