i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
