I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I smell like Dick and happiness
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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