Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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