You made me cry and you don't even care
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
