My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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