I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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