Don't you send me to vm
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
