Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
