Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
