wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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