whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
