I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
