So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
