That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize