dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
