I want to have your abortion
My hand turned me down
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
