i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
