her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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