the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
