They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
