He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My ATM looks so different sober.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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