STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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