best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
