end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
