i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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