East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You have to summon your inner elephant
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize