I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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