Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
