Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize