The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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