Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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