At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize