She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
