What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
