i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
