I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
