ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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