They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
