I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Randomize
