Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
