Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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