i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
