she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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