she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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