boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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