Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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