Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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