Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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