My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Randomize
