u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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