Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
