I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
