she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
