you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
