he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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