You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
