pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
