I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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