Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
