roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
