You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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